The 10 Worst Movies of 2010

One of the good things about not being beholden to any major media outlet is that I can basically pick and choose what movies I see. Nobody's forcing me to go see The Virginity Hit or Vampires Suck. Even when offered screenings to these flicks my tendency is to say "Heck no" and delete the invite. That doesn't mean that I'm exempt from crappy movies. It just means that most of the really awful stuff I see catches me completely unaware. It has more to do with disappointment than anything else. There are still some pretty blatant suck fests on this list, so without further ado, here's my list of the ten absolute dogs of the year!

10. Clash of the Titans
Even Sam Worthington came out recently and said this flick, a remake of the beloved 1980s cult classic, was pretty butt awful. It actually wouldn't have been so bad if it wasn't for the bar lowering use of post conversion 3D, which gave every scene a sheen like the cameras had been rubbed in Vaseline.
9. The Last Song
As an actress, Miley Cyrus is a pretty damn good singer. I take that back, she's a sucky singer too. Poor Greg Kinnear having to waste away in sappy junk like this, one of Nicholas Sparks'(The Notebook) throwaway scripts.
8. Love Ranch
Hey, it stars Helen Mirren, right? So it can't be all bad! Yes it can. Love Ranch is directed by Mirren's husband, Taylor Hackford(Ray). I wonder how many cold, sexless nights he had after the scathing reviews for this junk came out. Never has a movie about a brothel been less exciting. Joe Pesci makes like one movie every ten years, and this is what he chose? He lose a bet?
7.The Tooth Fairy
Do I really need to say anything about The Tooth Fairy? It very nearly put Dwayne Johnson's action star career in traction.
6. The Back-Up Plan
Jenny from the Block has never been less attractive, and I'm convinced the script for this mean-spirited romantic comedy was pulled directly out of her considerable arse.
5.Step Up 3
Makes Breakin' 2: Electric Boogaloo look like Citizen Kane. If dance could really change the world, MC Hammer would be President of the United States.
4. You Will Meet a Tall Dark Stranger
A great cast gone to waste as Woody Allen tries again to convince me that somebody else entirely wrote and directed 2005's Match Point. Allen is truly the Chris Claremont of filmmakers. My comic book brethren will know what I mean.
3.Yogi Bear
Do bears poop in the woods? If so, then Yogi Bear would be the result. Takes everything that was fun about the Hannah-Barbera cartoon and flushes it down the toilet.
2.Jonah Hex
Well, I'll say this about Jonah Hex: It's mercifully short. You'll still give yourself a migraine trying to get a hold of all the disparate elements that are throw together in hopes that something will stick: part western, part fantasy, part sci-fi. And then you'll look at the impressive cast(Josh Brolin, John Makovich, Aidan Quinn, Michael Fassbender, Jeffrey Dean Morgan) and wonder if some higher up at a studio has incriminating video of them all in a group orgy or something.
1. Little Fockers
Please let this be the focking end of this miserable franchise. Meet the Parents had a few things going it's way, but what good will it earned has been vomited and urinated on by increasingly weak scripts and hokey performances by a coasting Ben Stiller and Robert De Niro. I hope they spent the money they earned from this dog wisely. I think you can actually see the check sticking out of Dustin Hoffman's back pocket as he embarrassingly flamenco dances across the screen like the world's oldest and tannest butterfly for the umpteenth time.  Awful.