The Green Hornet

I've been trying to figure out a way to describe how I feel about The Green Hornet, a film that I've had wildly different emotions towards as I watched it crawl to completion. My elation that one of my favorite pulpy heroes was finally getting some big screen love was tempered by the fact that Seth Rogen would be donning the emerald cowl and fedora. Production problems plagued the film, with original director Stephen Chow(Kung Fu Hustle) dropping out, and Michel Gondry slipping into his shoes. It seemed like an odd fit, but surely the insanely inventive auteur behind Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind and The Science of Sleep could breath some creative life into what looked very much like a generic Rogen comedy?


Those looking for the noir cool of the short-lived 1966 series obviously weren't paying attention. With Seth Rogen starring and also co-writing, this Green Hornet falls squarely into the comedy camp. Rogen brings his lovable manchild routine to the role of spoiled playboy Britt Reid. The opening gives Rogen plenty of opportunity to do what we always get to see him do: party like a rock star. I think he writes himself at least one party scene(and one scene of himself rappin' over gangsta hip-hop) in every movie. Britt's stern father(Tom Wilkinson), a newspaper man idealized as a local hero for his constant fight against corruption, dies suddenly, leaving Britt everything. Britt doesn't really seem to care all that much, that is until his perfectly prepared coffee isn't made one morning. Then he gets all fired up and prepares to take it out on his father's loyal, ass kicking assistant, Kato(Jay Chou).

The film's high notes come with the constantly bickering duo. Britt and Kato share a love of hot cars and slick gadgets, as well as a lukewarm relationship with Britt's father. One night while in the midst of committing some pretty hefty vandalism, they manage to rescue a couple in the midst of being robbed. Instead of being hailed as heroes, they're labeled criminals, but rather than just going to the cops and fixing the situation, they take the logical jump to just continue fighting for the side of good....as villains. Say what, kemosabe??

Their decision puts them immediately at odds with the local crimelord, Chudnofsky(Christoph Waltz), who has one big worry: he's just not scary enough.  After establishing his territorial dominance in a hilarious opening scene opposite a brilliant cameo(I don't want to spoil who it is!), Chudnofsky has to figure out a way to make himself more terrifying. Killing people just isn't enough. What better way than to put this upstart Green Hornet six feet under?

Green Hornet looked like a film that was being pieced together by various spare parts. Throw in a dash of Rogen-style comedy, mix in some warmed over martial arts, add a dash of Cameron Diaz(as a possible love interest) for star power and supposed hotness, then Michel Gondry can...well, point the camera I suppose. It's Gondry's participation that is the most vexing, because in all his previous work there is a very distinct, almost surreal quality to his style. It's rendered  virtually invisible here, unless Gondry's goal was to ape the technique of Stephen Chow.  I don't know why he agreed to do this film unless it's to establish himself as a mainstream filmmaker for future projects. I hope Kato Vision, the cheap looking slo-mo technique used during fight scenes, wasn't his contribution. Rogen is a likable actor who has scored big playing the same immature character in every movie. A little bit of him goes a long way...a lot of him accomplishes very little. The real star for me was Jay Chou, who had the funniest lines in the film not reserved for that awesome cameo. His performance reminds me a lot of Jet Li's hilarious turn in The Expendables, with his broken language and misunderstanding of his comrades leading to unpredictable situations. Jet Li was actually attached to the Kato role for awhile, but Chou is an even match.

I don't even feel like Christoph Waltz should be mentioned he was so terrible. I'm not expecting Inglorious Basterds level stuff, but I think his part was written for Nicolas Cage, who was originally in line for the part. Cage could knock an insecure criminal kingpin role out of the park, while Waltz acted like he just walked in from another movie and was dead tired.

There's a disturbing lack of direction, and thus a lack of action for the majority of the film. The buddy scenes between Rogen and Chou click when the two are playing with their new toys, the culture clash between them making for a few decent laughs. It's when they try to cram in a needless love triangle including Cameron Diaz's pointless character that the story gets off track. There are absolutely no stakes in the battle between Chudnofsky and the Hornet. Their feud is basically just an excuse for an extremely loud car chase.

In case you haven't noticed, I haven't mentioned the 3D yet. That's because it's not worth mentioning. It's not horrible or distracting, but it's not really beneficial either.  In a way that kinda sums up my feelings towards the movie as a whole. Green Hornet isn't insultingly bad, but the good qualities are few and far between. The Green Hornet is a distant relative of The Lone Ranger, a factoid I've always found fascinating. Jerry Bruckheimer and Johnny Depp are working on a Lone Ranger film right now. Maybe that'll give me something to get excited over.