Good Hair

Ya'll women are crazy. Nah, I'm serious. My first reaction after watching Chris Rock's documentary on the insane lengths black women go through for some "good hair" was that all black women are as screwed up as I long suspected. But that's not really fair. All women go a bit out to left field over their hair. As famed poet Maya Angelou so succinctly puts it "A woman's hair is her glory". Hey, I consider my DVD collection to be my glory, and I know how fanatical I am about that so I guess I can relate in some weird way.

Rock's quest for answers is spurred mostly by his two young daughters. Questioning him on why they don't have the aforementioned "good hair", Rock goes out to find out exactly what that is and how women achieve it. In the process of seeking answers, Rock interviews a number of hot, attractive African-American women....and Raven Symone. Meghan Good, Lauren London, my crush Tracie Thoms, and even a few dudes including Ice-T are more than willing to spill their guts on their own hair stories. Rock, for his part, is an avid listener but I found him to be less inquisitive than a documentarian needs to be. He seems perfectly content to sit back and watch the proceedings, lobbing in the occasional joke or shooting a skeptical eye towards us when nobody's looking.

He discovers that what women go through to straighten their hair is a brutal, dangerous, and pocketbook draining process. Using a variety of chemicals that are shown to eat through soda cans(!!!) courtesy of a Mr. Wizard-type experiment, it'd be hard to fathom that any woman could consider this a good idea. And yet very few of the women presented in the film actually decry the practice. I've heard the horror stories from other women in my life, but seeing the possibly scarring results on screen makes it all the more clear. If it burns through aluminum, what's it doing on your friggin' scalp? Pep from famous rap girl duo Salt 'n Pepa, had the side of her dome burned while getting her hair done, which led to the lopsided hairstyle she sports in their earliest videos. I remember hearing that story when I was young but this was the first time I'd seen her speak of it.

For some of these same women, the preferred route to attaining good hair is through weaves or extensions. Weaves are always a funny topic amongst African-Americans, usually in the most negative sense. Rock's curiosity on the subject of weaves takes him to India, where most of the hair used comes from. He discovers that a lot of it is stolen right off of women's heads as they sleep; but more often than not it is given and sold freely as a means of financial support. The hair industry there is bigger than gold and far more lucrative. We are shown a number of people, willingly shaving their own heads for free as part of religious ceremony, not realzing that their long locks are then swept up and sold to the highest bidder so it can dangle from Beyonce's skull.

While Rock mostly speaks to the women, I found it far more interesting listening to the male perspective...obviously. Being that I was the only dude in the theatre amongst a group of cackling women, I was the only one who laughed with recognition as Ice-T and a few others told their stories of dating women with expensive hair weaves. Word to the wise: If you're a dude and you're having sex with your girl and her hair costs as much as your flat screen TV, just keep your hands on her hips or something. Hair pulling is not an option unless you want an embarassing accident to take place. Chris Rock does at one point raise an interesting theory, one that I wish he had spent more time investigating: With African-American women spending so much on their hair, rendering it basically untouchable by any man they are with, does that in some way diminish intimacy? I love running my fingers through my girl's hair, and don't want to feel like a stranger in an unknown land when I do. It's how most of us guys show our affection outwardly. If you can't touch your woman, then what's the friggin' point?

The film wraps itself around the Bronner Hair Show that takes place in Atlanta, GA every year. It's a ridiculous spectacle where the supposed best hair stylists go to compete against eachother. The contestants might as well be cartoon characters, and their acts should involve a big top and a clown car. The show's glitz is all part and parcel of what is an industry that is worth upwards of $9 billion. That's ridiculous. Rock clearly wants to say it, but he's too much of a nice guy to really do it. Everybody should save their money and just do what people have done for decades when they don't like their hair.

Wear a hat.

6/10