Well, it’s only two episodes into season three, and shit is getting real, isn’t it? (To be fair, the show is moving at a much-accelerated timeline from its source material, George R. R. Martin's A Storm of Swords.) This week brought us torture, homophobic talk, more torture, some sexual danger—so, you know, all the good stuff that draws people into Game of Thrones each week. We’re all depraved, aren’t we?
No matter. With this week’s menagerie of characters, we’re all caught up on what everyone is doing in the Seven Kingdoms—meaning we skipped out on Dany and Stannis for this week but got Arya and Bran instead. Which I’m fine with, given that I’m a constant Stark apologist.
For the five best things from last night’s season three episode, “Dark Wings, Dark Words,” click through! (Well, my most favorite thing is in the above photo: The one and only Gendry, bastard son of Robert Baratheon and the hottest guy in the Seven Kingdoms now that Khal Drogo is dead. Because clearly Khal Drogo > everything.)
(Oh, and of course: SPOILERS ahead!)
1. So that three-eyed crow Bran has been seeing in his dreams since Jaime Lannister threw him out of a tower window? “The raven is you,” says new ally Jojen Reed, played by the super-adorable Thomas Sangster from Love Actually, now grown into an elfin-looking teenager with a perfectly upturned nose. Jojen and his sister Meera (Ellie Kendrick) attach themselves to the caravan of Bran, Rickon, wildling Osha, ever-loyal Hodor (Hodor!), and direwolves Summer and Shaggydog as they advance toward the wall, and in the coming weeks, Jojen will be full of all kinds of useful information. Most important of all will be the revelation that Bran could, perhaps, control himself while he is in the three-eyed raven—a power that would be very helpful indeed.
2. This is a bit of a throw-away line, but when Robb tells his mother Catelyn that the Ironborn burned down Winterfell and Bran and Rickon are missing, he mentions that one of his bannermen, Roose Bolton, sent his bastard son Ramsay to check it all out (Roose made the offer last season, and Robb evidently took him up on it). Remember the name Ramsay Bolton. Sear it into your memory. Do. Not. Forget.
3. Other things not to forget: How panicked and terrified Theon is when he starts being tortured, and what fear can do to a person. Theon is, admittedly, a huge asshole who betrayed the Starks in a pretty fucked-up way. But does he deserve what’s being done to him as he’s strapped onto that cross, blinded and abused? That depends on whether you believe all people are inherently good or whether some just want to, figuratively, watch the world burn. (I’m going with the latter, Dark Knight style.)
4. Is it weird to think that there’s sexual tension between Brienne and Jaime? That relationship is one that’s basically worshipped in the Game of Thrones fanfic community, with the two of them doing all kinds of sexual things to each other, so I can’t help but feel like there’s a little bit of chemistry there. Even if they don’t get it on, though, I could listen to Jaime’s insults all day: “giant towheaded plank” and “great beast of a woman” were specific winners. Equally great was Brienne punching him in the face. But she’ll regret not killing that farmer when Jaime urged her to, and she’ll regret giving other people the benefit of the doubt—especially Locke (Noah Taylor), the Bolton bannerman who captures them on that bridge. And yes, I said “them,” because although Jaime is the official hostage, Brienne isn’t going to be treated very well in this scenario, either. Not one bit.
5. And lastly, this point is more of a general one, but in what ways are women in the Seven Kingdoms forced to mask, or at least struggle against, their expected roles? - Arya, along with Hot Pie and Gendry, is caught by the Brotherhood Without Banners’s Thoros of Myr (Paul Kaye) and later identified by the Hound because she ultimately can’t hide that she’s just a little girl with a sword—and a Stark girl, at that.
- Cersei is already chafing at the fact that Margaery will one day be queen, sniping that she dresses “like a harlot,” but she should be more worried about Joffrey’s aside that “intelligent women do what they’re told.”
- Catelyn is praying for the safety of her children, but her prayers years ago to kill Jon Snow, and her later abandonment of the promise that she would take care of her husband Ned’s bastard, may have ended up cursing the family.
- And finally we have that “harlot” Margaery, who is smart enough to flatter Joffrey, caress his crossbow penis, and say things like, “I imagine it must be so exciting to squeeze something here and watch something die over there.” Margaery is playing a dangerous game in her desire to be “the queen,” as she told Littlefinger last season, but with the snappy Lady Olenna, her grandmother, at her side and Sansa confirming her suspicions about Joffrey’s insanity, is she essentially unstoppable? Joffrey tells her, “You no longer belong to [your father],” implying that the ownership of her has passed on to him—but Margaery feels more in control of herself than anyone else in the Seven Kingdoms at this point. She is, quite literally, sitting pretty. Must be nice.
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