Cinema con Queso: 'Hard Target'

Cheesy movies folks....cchhheeeesssyyy movies. That's what were going to be delving into with what I'm hoping will turn into a weekly feature article here at the PDC.

In hindsight I'm now thinking perhaps week 1 should have been a preface...and overview, a rundown if you will of what I mean, though you all undoubtedly already know.


A truly great movie is undeniable, it moves you emotionally in so many ways that when the credit's role you check to make sure your in the same seat. You become engrossed, somehow part of the story yourself even if your never mentioned. It's this vested interest in the characters that makes films like The Shawshank Redemption so amazing they could easily define the medium.

What? Why the suprised look? Didn't think John knew big boy words too?

Ohhh, sweetie come quick the goofy guy seems to be spelling correctly and made an insightful observation" "Oh, that's great dear...it's just like when Forrest wasn't a smart man but he knew what love was!"

FOR SHAME! I'll have you know I was educated in the hyper-prestigious South of Maryland, I have read the cliff's note's of ALL the Shakespeare books....well the one's they hadn't already made movies out of.

(*slowly and discreetly places highlighted copies of Travis's old reviews out of sight*)

 Any way I'm going to be bringing you not just one movie that I loved despite of, or more likely because  of it's critically low score and almost cringeworthy aspects, but rather one a week. These movies have always not only fascinated me in how we can like or even love something that seems so obviously unlikeable. My conclusion is this; These films ignite the child that still lives inside all of us, it's as simple as that. Noone sits around with their friends at 8 years old going over how they'll add depth and meaning to the game of war they are about to play. No, they give each other cool code names and make up ridiculous powers that are their specialty. Why? Well, to be honest the real world is pretty damn boring most of the time and really cool shit rarely happens, especially stuff we can actually take part of. If we are being honest with ourselves than you can say at some point in your life you longed for an audible soundtrack to your day to day. In the confines of our cerebellum we've all walked into an event, be it a wedding, gala, whatever, and when we walked through that door everyone stopped, time slowed down, wind came from nowhere, and everything waited....just waited for you to move first because YOU were the most important thing. Though we sometimes like to believe the world revolves around us we are quickly reminded how little we are in the big scheme. 

Don't worry, I'm making the point now. These flicks allow us to return to the playtime we had as kids, by showing us onscreen those ultra-cool, albeit sometimes corny scenes it allows us a shred of hope to believe that the world and all it's physics, laws and regulations just maybe still hides some magic and mystery, and no matter how bleak the outlook the good guy always triumphs. (and he can't forget the one-liner...that is key!)


So there you have it, one man's attempt to legitimize his love for the cinematic-ally sub-par. 



For this week's entry we have John Woo's US debut coming in at the height of fame for it's star Jean Claude Van-Damme. One of about three movies of it's plot type to come out in the early 90's when apparently people preferred seeing human's hunt other under-privileged humans for money. To sum it up quickly a young woman heads to New Orleans to find her father. She hires local 'Ragin' Cajun Chance Bedraux (JCVD) to help her after getting nowhere with the police. They quickly learn that her father was murdered taking part in a game organized by Emil Fouchon who, of course, is played by early 90's bad guy staple Lance Henrickson. The game is simple, Fouchon gives you a belt with $10k inside and a 5 minute head start. If you make it through the city your home free, however, if the 5-10 bored rich guys with automatic weapons and a taste for blood happen upon you before that, your dead. John Woo and his amazing style make this movie what it is but it's elevation to must have comes from the perfect cocktail of the days B-Movie actor roster....hell, even Wilford Brimely (you know, the Diabeetus guy), has a great and memorable role as an unbelievable cajun woodsman and Uncle to Chance. Extra points for giving it a title that you KNOW was chosen specifically for cheesy taglines related to the film's plot, for example "They thought it would be easy. Pay the fee kill a human, plain old rich people thrill seeking. What they didn't count on was that they'd be shooting at Van-Damme and he's DUH DUH DUH a HARD TARGET" 


Qualifications for Inclusion to Cinema Con Queso

- A mullet sporting Jean-Claude with a pseudo-cajun accent. 
- Main characters are at some point helped be a Vietnam war Vet. 
- Bad guy henchman in black leather, speaking in a vaugely European accent, and is a borderline sadist. 
- Cliche overload
- Bad one-liner's aplenty, including the main characters response to why he was named Chance, "My Momma took one."
- Finally we have the trailer for you to check out

FINAL VERDICT: Approved for entry into Cinema Con Queso