Why is it that you can never get a serious movie about pregnancy and the fear of becoming a parent? Sure, it makes for worthy comedic material and has been the basis for some great movies, such as Nine Months and Parenthood. The difference between those movies and What to Expect When You're Expecting is that they at least made the attempt to show the subject is worth taking seriously in-between all the silly antics. It would seem that a movie "inspired by" a respected self help book that has become a staple in doctors' offices should be more than just a glib exercise in sitcom situations.
Those expecting to actually learn a thing or two about the terrifying roller coaster of impending parenthood might want to look elsewhere, because the only message this film makes painfully clear is that pregnancy is a victory. Or a race. Or...something. The story follows five couples, each who are either seeking to become parents or trip and fall their way into it. The closest thing to a central story follows Wendy(Elizabeth Banks), a woman who owns a store called The Breast Choice(Ha!!!) and has written a book on motherhood where she claims it's the greatest and most beautiful thing since microwave bacon. That is until she actually gets pregnant for the first time, and discovers that it's not such a fulfilling thing. In fact it's kinda awful. Her husband(Ben Falcone), an ex-contestant on a 'The Biggest Loser' type reality show, is locked in perpetual competition with his car racing father(Dennis Quaid), and his too perfect wife(Brooklyn Decker). Oh, and she's pregnant too, and not having any problems at all dealing with it, which drives Wendy crazy.
The other stories have no life or energy to them at all, and struggle mightily to be both relevant and funny at the same time. There's Jules(Cameron Diaz) and Evan(Glee's Matthew Morrison), who meet on a reality show dance competition and get pregnant when they least expect it. A fitness enthusiast who hosts her own show, Jules sees it as a chance to prove how tough and independent she is while leaving Evan in the dust. Then there are two stories that don't really have many laughs at all, but are just as superficial as the rest. Anna Kendrick and Chace Crawford play rival food truck owners(yet another challenge) who at first bicker, then hit it off spectacularly. Attempting to show just how dangerous casual sex can be, she gets pregnant their very first time together, but physical and emotional complications drive a wedge between them. It's sad to watch the usually exciting, peppy Kendrick in such a dull, tired role.
Jennifer Lopez and Rodrigo Santoro are Holly and Alex, a couple who can't get pregnant at all, and look to adoption as a solution. Their story most directly deals with what the film's premise is supposed to be, which is all the many factors that need to be put into place in preparation for the big event. That includes financial security, finding a place to live, and most importantly being in the right place in your own life. While it stresses that nobody is ever truly prepared, the message is never delivered in a believable way, and veers into the ridiculous when Alex hooks up with a hapless group of dads who walk their kids in the park everyday and fantasize about the awesome life of hunky, globe-trotting bachelor, Joe(Joe Manganiello). Chris Rock leads the pack, and he alone manages to find a kernel of truth in his shoddily crafted character. Still, there's something odd about a film that tries to have it both ways, preaching on the one hand how life-affirming children can be, and at the same time presenting a group of fathers who don't seem all that concerned what happens to them. After the third or fourth time Rock's son falls down a flight of steps or is completely ignored, it's hard to tell just what the point of everything is. A feeble coda at the end tries to sew up some of the damage, but falls way short. Undeniably, this is a film that is aimed to be counter-programming against the Battleship onslaught this weekend. Brooklyn Decker co-stars in both films, but guys will want to check her out in that action intensive blockbuster rather than this. To be frank, guys will want to avoid this film altogether if they want to maintain any attraction to these ladies, unless the idea of Banks and Diaz farting, vomiting, and urinating on themselves is somehow a turn on. That's about the extent of the all-too familiar humor here, sad for such a charming collection of stars who could all do so much more. Directed by Kirk Jones(Everybody's Fine), the film has no distinctive style just like everything else he's ever done. He's a remarkably safe director, which in a way makes him perfect for just this sort of inoffensive material. The screenwriters seem to be bending themselves into a pretzel to duck any issue that might make this more than just another frivolous comedy. Why address anything when a cutesy montage will suffice?
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