A remake of the 1981 new classic, ‘Clash of the Titans’ is the story of Perseus and his journey of vengeance against the Gods. After his adopted family is killed by Hades, God of the Underworld, Perseus is left alone and angry in the city of Argos. The people of Argos have begun to doubt the Gods and are beginning to rebel, this all comes to a head when a party is interrupted by Hades who, with the permission of Zeus, is going to release the Kraken, a gigantic sea monster, to destroy Argos and it’s people. A group of Argos’s best warriors is gathered to go on a journey to kill the Kraken. It is at this time that it is revealed to Perseus that he is a demi-God born of a mortal woman and fathered by Zeus, King of the Gods. It is with this information that Perseus is persuaded to join the group and get his revenge against the Gods for the death of his family. Their voyage takes them from the streets of Argos all the way to the edge of the underworld and back finding and fighting all manner of creature and beast along the way. Sounds exciting right? Well, let’s break it down.
Where to start with this one…I know, the 3D format! I’m sure everyone’s getting tired of hearing me bitch about 3D by now, but this one has set the bar for unnecessary 3D. The effect is completely lost on this film with no positives that I could find with negatives galore. The most glaring of these negatives is that it made the film look glazed over, almost like Vaseline was smeared over the lens. It also seemed to make the already bad effects look worse and the CGI more cartoonish. Speaking of the FX, man were they bad…I mean really bad. The CGI all came off as fake with Medusa being the worst offender and the practical effects looking less real than your average muppet. The Djinn and the boatman on the river styx really sticking out. The Djinn, which sadly looked really cool from far away, looked horrible up close and completely out of place. In battle scenes that were supposed to be serious you have what looks like a 7 foot member of the Fraggle Rock bunch fighting alongside badass warriors. The boatman was especially disappointing coming off less like the roman equivalent of the grim reaper and more like one of the animatronic characters in the Chuck E. Cheese band. The film also didn’t seem to know what it wanted to be with it sometimes coming off as a homage to the camp of the original version and at other times taking itself as a serious reimagining and somehow managing to fail at both ends. Sam Worthington , who I like, just couldn’t pull this one off. He was right for the physicality of the role and though he looks a bit old for Perseus, who is around 18-20, he had the look down as well. He just didn’t have the charisma to elevate the bad writing to something worth watching. I think one day he will be there, just not yet. Lastly the end seemed rushed, it seemed they took their time in many parts of the film that they didn’t need to than realized, “Crap we have to wrap this thing up!” and just rushed through to the end leaving the film’s climax with the Kraken somewhat lacking.
I can’t sit here and say the movie was thoroughly bad, as it did have its share of positives. First and foremost was Mads Mikkelson who’s best known as plaing Le’Chiffre in the Bond movie ‘Casino Royale’. He’s magnetic as Draco the leader of the Argos army, starting out as an unlikeable bully and slowly becoming someone you root for all the while being an unstoppable and believable force on the battlefield. The set pieces for the most part were pretty awe inspiring as well even if the CGI that filled them was off by a lot. From the desert ruins to Medusa’s lair the sets give you the feeling of being somewhere of this earth and otherworldly all at the same time. The action scenes were definitely fun with the battle against giant scorpions taking the top honors, even the battle with Medusa was well choreographed and pretty damn tense which is quite a feat given how bad Medusa looked.
DO NOT spend your money to see this in 3D, seriously if you want to waste 4 bucks just send it to me. There are absolutely NO advantages to seeing the 3D version of this film. To be completely honest I can’t even recommend seeing this in 2D, it’s a rental at best. There’s nothing else coming out this week but that doesn’t make it your only option, there are plenty of other flicks out. For your action fix you can check out ‘Repo Men’ or if you’re just in the mood for a good movie go see ‘How to Train Your Dragon’. Just take my word on this, if you were hyped after seeing the trailer or had any preconceived ideas about this movie you WILL be disappointed. The only way I can see someone enjoying this movie is if they went in with zero expectations and had fairly low standards. Let’s hope something is learned from this movie and in the future Hollywood will stick closer to what makes the original classics great and why we don’t want 3D.
2 Guttenbergs
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