Season of the Witch

Where to begin with Season of the Witch? I guess you could say it's your typical January film. Not a lot of originality or effort put into a single iota of it, it's only purpose seems to be to fill an empty slot on some studio's release schedule.  The production of this lousy Lord of the Rings meets the Salem Witch Trials adventure has been one I've had a good old time following. Over a year ago a trailer was released that painted the film as a sortof gothic horror, which isn't that bad of an idea. Then after disappearing from everyone's mind a brand new, re-cut trailer tried to push the film as a medieval adventure film. Wha? Who you tryin' to fool? The end result is a knightly road trip mess best left in the Dark Ages.



Count Season of the Witch as another one of Nicolas Cage's steadily growing collection of paycheck flicks. I hope he stays in debt forever as long as he keeps making awful, comedic junk like this.  With his boyish haircut and ill-fitting helmet, he takes on the role of Behman, a knight fighting in the Crusades alongside his tough as nails brother-in-arms, Felson(Ron Perlman). After a nauseatingly extended sequence showing the two slaughtering thousands of enemies in wars fought over the course of years, the two finally realize that maybe an innocent or two got killed along the way. They quit the fight, and take off for parts unknown on horseback.

Their journey is cut short when the two are labeled deserters and thrown in jail, but before they get boiled in oil or hanged, they're recruited for a desperation mission to escort a supposed witch(Claire Foy) to a monastery where she can be put on trial by a bunch of monks. See, the witch has caused a plague to break out that has ravaged the kingdom. Behman is skeptical because she's kindof a hot, innocent looking chick. The two tough as nails warriors are joined on their quest by an overzealous priest, a young wannabe knight, and of course there's the requisite thief.


A pretty bland setup, one that is continually hampered by an overwhelming lack of action or thrills. The film is shot in such a dark, muddy tone that you might find more enjoyment staring at the back of your eyelids for 90 minutes. Much like the issue with the trailers, the tone of the film jumps around wildly. There are a few opportunities where the mystery of the girl's true nature could have been interesting. Is she a witch? Is she evil? Is she the true cause of the plague? Unfortunately the script never focuses enough on the issue to matter. It's not as if they were too busy keeping us entertained with thrilling battles. The most tense moment comes when the group has to cross a broken down bridge. Yeah, the old broken down bridge thing. There's always a broken down bridge.

The only thing preventing this from being a complete disaster is the presence of Ron Perlman. A rugged actor with a wealth of comedic timing who can withstand any cinematic casualty, he seems to be the only one who realizes just how cheesy and campy the film really is. Maybe it comes from starring in so many movies just like this(hello Dungeon Siege!). Cage is painfully serious the entire time. It's strange because he's so unhinged in most of his best movies, but those are typically the legit productions with tons of potential. He needs to figure out at some point that it's the lousy flicks like this that need that wildman spirit so much more. If I thought he was having a lick of fun maybe this wouldn't have been such a boring movie to sit through.