Review: Robin Hood, Starring Russell Crowe

There's a sequence near the beginning, where we see Robin Longstride(Russell Crowe) leading a complicated shell game against Little John, which ends up in a brawl that invokes the ire of King Richard(Danny Huston). It could be a metaphor for Ridley Scott's teaser of a plot, because this is definitely not the Robin Hood any of us have come to know and love. Gone are the swashbuckling adventures and slick anti-hero persona, in favor of a brawny mini-Braveheart. No more fun 'n games with the Merry Men this time. Too much killin' through gritted teeth needs to be done. This is an origin story through and through, one that will appease fans of grand sweeping war epics but shun those looking for anything beyond a good battle.

Robin Longstride is an archer in the king's army, a selfless hero who's first act that we see is risking his own life to rescue a trapped comrade. He serves the brave but reckless King Richard, but has fallen out of his favor thanks to some pointedly honest commentary on the treatment of Arabs during the Crusades. The King isn't around long to argue about it, and Robin and a very small group of followers leave to forge their own destiny. The King's demise has left the crown to his power hungry brother, John(Oscar Isaac). His first act as king? Raise taxes, of course. Since the people are already downtrodden and living on the brink of poverty, this doesn't go over so hot. John's confidant, the even more vile Godrey(Mark Strong, doing that villain thing again) volunteers to beat some sense into the townsfolk.

Little does John know that Godrey has an agenda all his own. He's bald, wears all black, and after a brutal encounter with Robin sports a nice villanious scar along his mouth.Clearly he can't be trusted. Godfrey's goal is simple: divide and conquer. An England divided against itself cannot stand, or something, and the French will easily be able to swoop in and take over. While this is going on, Robin isn't exactly being an altruistic man of the people. Instead, he's scheming for a way to get back home while getting rich at the same time. He assumes the identity of a fallen knight, Robert Loxley, promising to return his sword to his family home. Happily they keep that dichotomy intact, that Robin can be both a scoundrel and at the same time honest and charitable. Upon arriving at Loxley's home in Nottingham, he's greeted by his widow, Marion(Cate Blanchett), and his sage of a father, William(Max Von Sydow).

In a plot contrivance that still has me baffled, William convinces Robin to take on the identity of his son, even though you'd think the entire town knows what he should look like. I don't care how long he's been gone at war, Robert didn't look nothin' like Russell Crowe. The plan is that if William dies, their family loses everything if there's no heir. This forces Marion and Robin to play the role of happy couple for awhile, with stale comedic sexual tension thrown in. I kept waiting for him to walk out of the shower with a towel wrapped around his waist, until I remembered there weren't any bathrooms.

The relationship between Marion and Robin perfectly encapsulates all that is right and wrong with this film. Russell Crowe and Cate Blanchett are fantastic actors, and they do their best with everything they've been given. Crowe can play the stoic, flexing brute with a heart of gold in his sleep at this point. Sometimes I think he actually was. Some of those scenes with him and Von Sydow could've been sponsored by Ambien™. It's when he's with his friends or on the battlefield that he's a real force of nature. Blanchett is maybe a touch too strong in the face to play Marion. Sure she's attractive and graceful, two of Marion's finer qualities, but somehow this role seemed beneath her. I never felt like Marion was ever a crucial component of the story, which again reminds me that this isn't the Robin Hood that I kept anticipating. When Marion finally does get thrust into the thick of the action, it's in a hokey utterly ridiculous fashion during the final battle.

Robin Hood works when it ditches the plodding, uninspired political and dramatic scenes and dives straight into warfare. There's something about old school bows and arrows that are instantly invigorating and cool, just think of Legolas in the Lord of the Rings movies. Scott knows how to fashion a battle scene, chaotic and crazily angled. Robin Hood is less poetic and breezy than his Kingdom of Heaven was, preferring to get down in the muck and dirt where the blood spatter is thick.  If you're here looking for bloodshed and nasty violence, you won't be disappointed. Robin shows off his archery skill without fanfare, which is another one of the story's odd choices, since it again separates us from what we like about the character. You're just as likely to see him dueling with a broadsword than firing a volley of arrow bolts.

The final battle is a little silly with cliches, but by the time it rolls around you've probably latched on to the idea that the entire film is only inspired in the way it tricks us into watching a prequel. Not that I'm complaining about that. The film basically ends where the stuff we know should begin, even if it all doesn't quite connect perfectly. What Ridley Scott has done is reboot the myth, and laid groundwork for a potential franchise. That's what Robin Hood's ultimate goal was, and in that he succeeded. Crowe and Blanchett keep it interesting, but nobody's going to walk away from this film raving about it. In this case, Robin Hood is wide left of the bullseye.