Cowboys & Aliens, starring Daniel Craig and Harrison Ford

I wear my sci-fi nerd credentials literally on my sleeve. Transformers tattoos on my body, a DVD collection that has more stories centered around droids, aliens, and clones than actual human beings. I also have a hearty love of old Westerns, thanks to a father who reveled in the orneriness of guys like John Wayne and Clint Eastwood. So it stands to reason that a movie called Cowboys & Aliens would be right up my alley. A crossover of genres that seem totally incompatible on paper, but smooshed together could make for a ridiculously fun experience. Right? Right? Turns out the answer is a resounding "Meh".

Cowboys & Aliens has been in one form or another since 1997, the brainchild of former Malibu Comics prez Scott Rosenberg. He had this amazing idea for a film about a small old west town doing battle with invading aliens from above. He pitched and sold it to studios, but nobody really got the ball rolling on it. Rosenberg knew the only way to get it moving forward was to publish it, and so a popular graphic novel was produced. It sold remarkably well, leading to Universal and Dreamworks to snap it up. They hired a full posse of writers(six have worked on it at one time or another) to flesh it out. With that much time invested and that many screenwriters, there's no excuse for such a dusty result.

What will piss you off the most if all the wasted potential of the opening. As with all the great westerns, it begins with a man with no name, or better yet a guy with amnesia. His name is Jake Lonergan(Daniel Craig), waking up with a cloudy memory, an ugly wound on his stomach, and an iron shackle on his wrist. We see immediately how much of a badass he is when a handful of outlaws rustle his feathers. After coldly dispatching them he turns up in the cragged cattle town of Absolution, the type of cliched locale with a saloon on every corner, and the means to gun down anyone who beats you in a hand of poker. Lonergan may not know his own name, but the locals sure do. Especially a mysterious, dolled up looker named Ella(Olivia Wilde) who can't take her eyes off him. Lonergan's arrival draws down the wrath of the town's brutal boss, Colonel Dolarhyde(a smoke voiced Harrison Ford). He and Lonergan have an angry rivalry, which frankly I would've liked to see play out. Craig makes for a powerful loner figure, while Ford's Dolarhyde is vicious and scene chewing. As a western, I was sold. And then the night sky lights up with the arrival of a fleet of alien spacecraft, and everything goes to crap.

You'd think that in a time where people barely believe the world is round the arrival of giant outer space warcraft would be the enough to make heads explode. Instead the townsfolk don't seem all that phased other than on the basic survival level. The aliens kidnap a number of the citizens, including Dolarhyde's wuss of a son(Paul Dano), and escape into the night. The fearless Lonergan stands his ground and takes out one of the ships himself, not with the help of a six shooter, but with the laser powered support of his wrist guard, which turns out to be an alien weapon. The town rallies around Lonergan and set off in horseback pursuit to reclaim their loved ones and hopefully not get turned  into human guinea pigs.

Cowboys & Aliens is directed by Jon Favreau, and it's probably the best example of his strengths and weaknesses as a filmmaker yet. His claim to fame is making easily digestible, mainstream popcorn flicks. He's not a particularly creative director visually, but he knows how to maintain an amped pace. This film works best before the mundane aliens arrive. Their look isn't particularly unique, nor do they do anything which separates them from any of hundreds of creatures we've all seen before. This is Cowboys & Aliens, and the expectation is that an unexpected mix like this should wow us. At least once. But it never does. There's never a moment where you say "Whoa, that was really cool". It's all just so bland and dare I say it, boring. The jumbled mess of a script doesn't do Favreau any favors whatsoever. Olivia Wilde's character might have been thrown in there because somebody realized it'd be a total sausage fest without her. There's a major plot twist to Ella which comes totally out of left field and is probably the one thing that demands some explanation. Do we get it? Sure, in the most half  assed way possible. I'm still confused.  A severe miscalculation was made in not playing this story up for laughs, choosing instead to give it to us straight. What fun is that?

A wealth of talent goes to waste in lousy supporting roles.  Sam Rockwell as a bar owner too soft for the wild west; Adam Beach as the token Native American; and Keith Carradine as the town sheriff might as well be cigar Indian statues standing in the saloon corner.

A crying shame that an idea with so much potential is such a drag. Cowboys & Aliens has all the right pieces: great cast, inventive premise, and big special effects. And yet the pieces just don't make for a satisfying whole. A summer blockbuster without the summer blockbuster appeal.