Celebrate! 'Tekken' prequel in the works; New 'Baby Geniuses' trilogy on the way

While Cannes is a very cool, hectic time of year for those of us who are obsessed with movies, the downside is that you hear about a lot of crap that simply shouldn't ever come to pass. Long dead franchises rise from the grave of failure as producers pitch and sell every idea that ever popped in their brains. So far the two worst that I've heard about in the first couple of days of the festival were both by Crystal Sky studios, as THR reports their plan to revisit both the Tekken and Baby Geniuses franchises. >sigh<

Crystal Sky CEO Steven Paul revealed that a prequel to 2010's live-action, direct-to-DVD Tekken film is in the works. Titled Tekken: Rise of the Tournament, the film will obviously follow the origins of the martial arts competition depicted in Namco's hit video game series. Since nobody who values their career would dare star in such a thing, Paul revealed that the film won't feature any known names, but will have actors who look like the game's fighters. So there'll be a giant demon dude with wings? Or a fighting kangaroo? Awesome! Well now my opinion has certainly brightened on this.  Prachya Pinkaew(Ong Bak) is slated to direct, with hopes that it will actually get a theatrical release here in the States. I wouldn't hold my breath.


Ironically, somebody with an IQ equivalent to their shoe size has decided now is a perfect time to revisit the Baby Geniuses franchises. Remember those movies? They date all the way back to 1999, and tell the mind-numbing, soul crushing story of a bunch of super smart toddlers who proceed to go on adventures while confounding every moronic adult they encounter. The first film was awful, but made a few bucks, so we were treated to the borderline criminal Superbabies: Baby Geniuses 2 just a few years later. Screw waterboarding. Just stick some toothpicks under a prisoner's eyes and force them to watch Superbabies on an endless loop and they'll admit to anything. 

Paul has an entire trilogy of Baby Geniuses sequels on the way, all completed(!!!!) and in post-production right now. Jon Voight, who perhaps is reaping the karmic backlash for being an obstinate ass-hat late in his career, is the villain of all three movies. Sean McNamara, who showed some promise as director of Soul Surfer, is at the helm. Sorry, dude. I know you got bills to pay and stuff. The story in part has the babies arriving in Washington, DC via some sort of transport machine(like a bus? Or a stroller?) to communicate with the local toddlers. 

Oh, and just in case you thought maybe you could avoid those, there's also a 13-episode Baby Geniuses TV series that has already been produced and filmed, which is being shopped around as we speak. They'll play a globe-trotting network of criminal investigators. Enjoy!