DVD Review: 'Queens of the Ring' Featuring WWE Superstars CM Punk and The Miz

As pro wrestling fans we're accustomed to a certain degree of disrespect. People who don't watch on a regular basis don't understand the appeal, and they always give you the "You know it's fake, right?" as if you were born on another planet or something. Worse, the movies geared towards wrestling die-hards have been atrocious for the most part. Thank Vince McMahon for that; not surprising given the moronic storylines he puts on WWE TV all too frequently. While we had our moment in the sun when Darren Aronofsky's The Wrestler came out a few years ago, a brain dead flick like Ready to Rumble is what we usually get. And now we're taking one more body slam with Queens of the Ring, a film that's insultingly stupid even by wrestling standards.

Because this is a French film the comedy isn't exactly geared towards American audiences, but damn this is still pretty dumb. Worse, the dubbing was clearly an afterthought as none of the voices match and I'm convinced all of the women were voiced by the same two people...and maybe some of the guys, as well. Told in the madcap broad strokes that mark too many French comedies, the story centers on Rose (Marilou Berry), who is attempting to get into her estranged son's good graces by becoming a professional wrestler. She lost custody after a violent episode landed her in prison, and he hasn't quite forgiven her yet. So along with a trio of friends working at the supermarket, Rose hooks up with a famous pro wrestling trainer to learn the ropes, literally. Joining her on this Diva Talent Search are the bored housewife Colette (Nathalie Baye), the slutty redhead Jessica (Audrey Fleurot), and the crazy meat butcher Viviane (Corinne Masiero).  Their training, shown mostly in goofy montage, consists of absolutely nothing real pro wrestlers would go through. So don't expect to learn a few things about the real struggle to get into the squared circle.

But once the action gets into the ring the intensity and wrestling skill shown by the actresses is better than the rest of the movie would suggest. Unfortunately, these ladies are matched up against two large women known simply as "The Mexicans", and you'll quickly grow tired of all the jokes about tacos and burritos. For that matter, the racial humor here is pretty offensive, at least by American standards. That goes double for Jessica's pursuit of a hot black guy ("I've never had a black before.") she meets at the gym.

A WWE Studios co-production (an American remake is coming, too), appearances by superstars The Miz, CM Punk, and Eve Torres are touted but blink and you'll miss them. Chances are they didn't want to be too closely involved with a film this unfunny and juvenile. Yes, juvenile. Too juvenile for the studio that gave us such "highbrow" comedies as Knucklehead (the poster featuring Big Show in a damn diaper) and The Chaperone.

While watching Queens of the Ring I was struck by how unfair it is there are no good movies about becoming a professional wrestler. We have literally thousands of movies about athletes breaking into their chosen sport; we have the same number about actors looking for their big Hollywood break. Wrestling is called sports entertainment for a reason. It combines the best of both worlds, and someday a filmmaker will come along who will convincingly show how tough breaking into the business really is. Queens of the Ring is not that movie, it's about as enjoyable as a chair shot to the head.

Rating: 1.5 out of 5

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DVD Review: 'The Wonder Years' The Complete Series

The first thing I said upon receiving StarVista/TimeLife's gorgeous packaging for The Wonder Years Complete Series ($249.99) boxed set was "this is too beautiful to open." And I wasn't kidding. It sat on my shelf for days without being touched, eyed from across the room like a glistening trophy too special to be handled. The 26-Disc set comes in a replica school locker (with functioning lock), with magnet stickers for personal customization. On its own it would make for a perfect keepsake and conversation starter. But that would be depriving myself of one of my childhood favorites. The Wonder Years had a profound impact on me and millions of others growing up, but can the set live up to the incredible demand by fans? And does the show still hold up over time?

Well, the answer is "yes" and "heck yes". Included with the 26 discs are a whopping 23 hours of bonus content, which include the expected number of featurettes, commentaries (including one on Kevin and Winnie's first kiss), and B-roll footage. But you also get the incredible cast reunion (interestingly, it's Jason Hervey who may have had the best post-career). Authentic class binders, notebooks, and other items  will thrust you deeper into Kevin Arnold's school experience during the turbulent '60s and '70s. You can tell that a lot of love and care went into the entire package. While the remastering isn't perfect, that nostalgic "home movie" quality remains and looks terrific. Nearly all 300 classic rock tracks have been secured to keep the experience as authentic as possible. It must have been a costly effort securing all of those licenses but it was well worth it. Most other DVD packages swap in new music or bland renditions and hope you don't notice, but fans of The Wonder Years would never stand for that here. The music is too essential.

But what about the show itself? I was only eleven years old when the show debuted and I remember it fondly. It was one of the few times I stayed up late because it was after the 1988 Super Bowl, and right away it was obvious The Wonder Years was unlike any other show. Sentimental and nostalgic without being glossy or sugary, the show was brutally tough and instantly relatable. While every kid of a certain age could see something of themselves in Kevin Arnold (Fred Savage), they also secretly wished they could have a best friend like Paul Pfeiffer (Josh Saviano) and a girl in their life like Winnie Cooper (Danica McKellar). Everybody loved Winnie, although I will admit to always having a thing for Becky Slater (played by Danica's sister, Crystal), who memorably punched Kevin in the gut and became his part-time nemesis for awhile. "Friends? I'll give you friends"! The show was able to tackle serious issues (season four episode "The Accident" is still powerful) and show that the problems we face are universal. There's a reason The Wonder Years won its first Emmy after only a handful of episodes. What's a little bit surprising is how well they have held up over the years, especially the bittersweet final episode, presented here in its original broadcast form. Talk about a finale that perfectly encapsulated how daring the past six seasons had been, it was a truly daring move to not give fans the "happily ever after" ending we were all expecting. The Wonder Years was a show that touched a lot of hearts, and through this set will continue to touch a lot more.

Rating: 4 out of 5

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DVD Review: Jia Zhangke's 'A Touch of Sin', Starring Zhao Tao and Jiang Wu

Violence is always an interesting topic of conversation. It has the ability to shatter lives, save them in certain circumstances, and is a heavy subject in social commentary. Should guns be banned? Do the ends justify the means? Why are some people who kill regarded as heroes and others as criminals? These are questions that have been asked in regards to this exceedingly talked about subject matter. Violence itself is heavily prevalent in our popular culture, gun-toting and bloodshed appearing in most of today's movies and video games, but director Jia Zhangke approaches the topic from a different perspective: from that of those who are driven to it, who have never committed the act before in his thought-provoking film A Touch of Sin. 

The movie follows four different characters, all from different provinces in China. Though

they're all independent of each other and don't know who the other is, they all have something in common. They are the everyday people. A miner, a factory worker, receptionist, a migrant. They're all what society calls "lower class" citizens. They're workers, all of which struggle to survive, the proverbial underdogs... well, some of them are. 


The miner, angry at the corruption happening in his village by the CEO of the coal mining company, and even more angry that no one has the guts to do anything about it, sets out on his own rage and partially jealous-fueled (he and the CEO used to be classmates) vendetta. A man who travels for work, finds that owning a gun comes in very useful when he needs to get money for his family, shooting down people he robs and getting their cash. His wife doesn't agree with it and this causes tension, but it's been useful to him and he won't stop. 

A receptionist, who's having an affair with a married man, is harassed by his wife when she finds out and comes to wage hateful words at the sauna where she works. She is finally pushed to the act of violence when she's mistaken for a prostitute and is slapped around by a man who refuses to take no for an answer, thinking that a lot of money will buy anyone. And finally, a factory worker runs away from his job after he's forced to give his wages to a coworker who is injured on the job. He ends up moving from job to job and finding out that everything feels like a desolate situation before committing his own act of violence. 

One of the strengths of the film comes from Jia Zhangke's ability to tell four stories in one. Some of the characters, however, aren't sympathetic, while the others are. The film is beautifully shot, its lack of music making it feel a bit more dreary and Zhangke's cut to his actors' expression after they've committed such awful acts gives the film a sense of realism in the face of their horrific acts. The film explores contemporary China in a rising economy, but doesn't pretend that everything's alright or glamorous just because it's gaining power. The distinct split between the rich and poor are very much existent, and Zhangke lays it out for us beautifully. 

This leads us to the parts of the film that are a little more shaky and underwhelming: the characters themselves. For at least two of them (the miner and the receptionist), their motivations and eventual acts are laid out for us in a way we can understand. The other two, the least compelling being the story of the migrant worker, are not up to par. 

While we see what they're going through, their paths aren't quite as clear. Their final acts are something that just seem to happen very quickly and we aren't connected with them enough to thoroughly understand why. This is one of the reasons the film doesn't flow as smoothly, another being the overall lack of connection between the four characters. The situations are too isolated and it might have helped if Zhangke chose to somehow tie them together. 

A Touch of Sin, regardless of its faults, is still a thought-provoking film. Based on true events, Zhangke paints the struggles of his characters in modern China in a way that's almost reflective. It makes you pause and wonder why four seemingly ordinary people, struggling to live their lives without purposefully evoking trouble would commit such offensive acts. Zhangke takes care to answer these questions, even if his overall story comes off a bit disjointed in its character connectivity. An introspective film that tackles an important subject matter. 

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DVD Review: 'Angels in Stardust', Starring AJ Michalka and Alicia Silverstone

With trailers, and intriguingly written summaries, movies can often be misleading. Take Love Happens for example. A movie title that sounds like it's all about romance, but the actual romance is only one-fourth of the story. This is exactly the case with Angels in Stardust, a film that comes off sounding like it's going to be one thing, but is something else entirely. The plot is shaky, the characters flat, and the story boring and hard to sit through. 

Vallie Sue (AJ Michalka) lives in the small town of Tardust. Yes, Tardust. There might have been an "S" in the beginning of the name somewhere, but that's all been forgotten, much like the town itself. It comes off as a dusty, backwoods kind of place, where strange people live and everything's very nitty gritty. And while Vallie Sue seems like she's accepted all this, she still dreams of getting out of the town. In order to gather her thoughts and sort through the

questions she doesn't ask anyone else, she goes to an abandoned drive-in movie theater and converses with a cowboy (Billy Burke), who's really an actor on TV and isn't really present for these conversations, only a figment of her imagination. 

Vallie Sue's a pretty tame teenager in comparison with her outrageously hormonal and flaky mother Tammy (Alicia Silverstone), who sleeps with men in hopes to find one who's rich enough to take care of her, and pays no heed to her children's welfare. So Vallie Sue's forced to take care her younger brother Pleasant (Adam Taylor) and get through the days living in her unsafe trailer park community. The movie decides to throw in some drama three-fourths of the way through when a girl goes missing and Vallie Sue thinks she sees a couple of men in her community do something to her, including a man named Tenkill (Michael Spears), who always helps take care of her brother. 

Angels in Stardust is the type of film that you can never really get into. Its story is lacking and so are its characters. It's also misleading in its title since there are no angels present in the film, even though Billy Burke's cowboy character is firmly sporting feathery wings on the back cover of the DVD. It almost toys with the viewer as it sets itself up one way and delivers something completely different. 

The film boasts that it's about Vallie Sue and her hopes and dreams to get out of Tardust, but it generally just takes us through the motions of the town and is wearisome after awhile because it pretends to have a real plot when it doesn't. The mysticism of her talking to a cowboy that only exists in her head doesn't work overall and almost feels like it doesn't fit in with the rest of the film. The conversations are abrupt and seem like they're tacked onto the film rather a fluid part of it. The movie doesn't feel authentic enough and don't offer anything in the way of depth or meaning, though it tries really hard to do so. And the scenes come in go in an almost choppy and dismissive fashion, which takes the audience out of the film with its abruptness. 

The film is misleading, a title that comes off sounding like a religious movie, but isn't. The mysticism of the cowboy in Vallie Sue's head doesn't add anything to the story and the scenes aren't fluid at all. The cast is alright, though the script doesn't help them at all. Their characters are not very well-rounded and with no real plot to go on, it almost looks like they are trying really hard to make something out of a movie that doesn't have much to go on in the first place. Slow-going and very tiring to sit through, Angels in Stardust is a movie that's easily forgotten. 

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DVD Review: 'The Adventurer: The Curse of the Midas Box', Starring Michael Sheen and Sam Neill

When you see the cast listing for this film, you'll get very excited. They're all veteran actors who are very talented, which is why their names on the cover of The Adventurer: The Curse of the Midas Box is very misleading. The film itself is fast-paced but lacks any real adventure or momentum. Forced mystery and intrigue make for a film that relies too heavily on attempted tricks and twists without backbone to keep it from falling apart. 

Mariah Mundi (Aneurin Barnard) and his younger brother Felix (Xavier Atkins) don't take their parents' (Ioan Gruffudd and Keeley Hawes) jobs seriously. The adults are professors at a university in England, but secretly work for an organization tasked with protecting ancient artifacts. One of these artifacts is the Midas Box, a box thought to turn everything placed inside to gold. Of course, the box is supposed to by a myth, but Otto Luger (Sam Neill) is searching for the box, myth or not, and is close to finding it. 

When Mariah's parents vanish and Felix is kidnapped, Mariah is sent to a remote island hotel by Charity (Michael Sheen) to spy on Otto. He gets help from Sacha (Mella Carron), a maid in the hotel, and they set off on their own adventure to find the Midas Box before Otto and his accomplice Monica (Lena Heady) and protect it from misuse. 

The Adventurer: The Curse of the Midas Box sets out to be a grand adventure that families can enjoy, but is bogged down by a ridiculous plot, cringe-worthy dialogue, and wooden characters. The film boasts a lot of fantastical happenings that try to make sense of themselves, but fall short of making the plot any better. It is instead a tangled web that the writers have written themselves into with no plausible way out. 

The cast includes big names, most of which are over-the-top and badly written characters, and others, like Ioan Gruffud, are in the film for about three minutes. Blink and you'll miss him. Michael Sheen's character is meant to be the funny mentor, but his role isn't quite clear in the larger scheme of things. For example, he also comes to the hotel after Mariah does, only in a magician's disguise. But if he's also there to investigate, then why not tell Mariah what his plan is, instead of leaving the teenager to his own devices and hoping he'll figure everything out? That sounds irresponsible and unnecessarily complicated.    

Also, Aneurin Barnard has no charm, charisma, or any real will as Mariah. And as the lead character, he comes off as too flat and not someone we can get behind. A lot of the time, his expression remains severe, and his trust of Sacha proves unreasonable, seeing as how she does nothing to prove she is trustworthy. Instead, her inclusion into the story stems from the need to have a female protagonist somewhere in the movie, which doesn't add anything to the film except for the audience's confusion. 

The dialogue and the need to include several side adventures and information are the major drawbacks to the film outside of the characters. The film, which is based on the novel by G.P. Taylor, includes so much eye-rolling dialogue that it's hard to take the film seriously, even though it takes itself seriously. There's just too much going on sometimes, most especially in the finale, as though it's singularly trying to cram in everything at once and it can be headache-inducing. 

Unlike the title suggests, the film isn't really all that adventurous. There's no thrill to the tale that unfolds, and it frustrates far more than it excites. Uninteresting characters, questionable plot, and bad dialogue make this film rather stale and the complete opposite of what the expectation is. Forgettable and flat, the film tries and fails at being an adventure that the entire family can enjoy. 

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DVD Review: 'Justice League: War'

So here we go, since I watch a ton of cartoons and am a known OG comic reader I thought I’d hold the Punch Drunk Critics readers down and watch this Justice League War. Now see it was kind of hard for me to watch this without any bias since I pretty much think the New 52 and the new Origin of Justice League in which this movie is based is full of wacktacularness. That being said I’ve liked most of the DC movies a lot even Flashpoint Paradox so I thought I could be surprised, but sadly I am surprised in the worst way.  Justice League War is so full of wack that I was shocked by the amount as it grew when watching it and then continuing to think about it.

Justice League War is about the first time the major superheroes in the DC universe come together and forms the Justice League.  The story starts us off in Gotham with Green Lantern (Hal Jordan) giving chase to a shadowy figure that just kidnapped a woman of the street. The public and GL included think it’s The Batman since at this point in time Batman is just an urban legend.  GL is proven wrong when Batman comes out and saves the woman; Batman kicks the baddie, plus sons GL in the process. What we get from here in the first half is a buddy-cop relationship like K and J from Men in Black. Please note Hal Jordan is a complete and utter idiot in this version along with being overly arrogant. Batman is basically just Batman here. Their investigation in Gotham leads them to having to meet Superman for the first time in a not so peaceful way. 

What we get next is some vignettes of the other characters like Victor Stone playing football while his dad is off studying a device at S.T.A.R. Labs delivered by the Flash; Wonder Woman’s first trip to Washington with Steve Trevor; and the bonus of annoyingly bad Billy Batson being a fan of Stone.  Now here’s the thing: the production on this animated home release is pretty good. The animation is very solid along with pacing and staging of all the scenes. The real problem here is the story and the characterization of the main characters and the antagonist. Bear with even though I’m pretty public with my dislike of the whole post New 52 versions of DC Comics’ characters.

Here’s the thing it’s very hard to like any of the heroes in this story. Wonder Woman’s characterization is pretty sad, she’s mostly like let me smash this and stab that with my sword while screaming. She doesn’t seem heroic, honorable, a messenger of peace or a princess at all. Superman is just a meat-head jock type of guy. He doesn’t seem that inspiring or really threatening other than he can lift stuff and fly. Then we have poor Billy Batson and alter ego that is SHAZAM. He’s like every bad kid in a movie but in the end they never have you like the kid he’s just a little asshole who becomes that little asshole in a grownup body. There are no real arcs for many of these characters.

That being said there are a few good things in this. Barry Allen Flash is pretty likeable; he is just a very true classic interpretation of the character that you can root for in this story.  Another thing that was good is Victor Stone's arc to becoming Cyborg. We get the whole dynamic with his father and motivations for being in the situation he is in and how he becomes a hero. All of this was in comic version of the story but for me it is handling way better than it was in the original version.  One more thing that I didn’t like is how Darkseid us used and also how violently sensationalistic they are with showing all these battles. I don’t really think it helps anything in telling the story at all but you might just think I’m a fanboy prude.

Now the one thing that really stands out on this release is all the special features. The documentary on the career of Jim Lee (the modern comics GOAT in penciling) was really well done at covering his career and his impact on comics. For serious comic readers a lot of nice tidbits of history of Wildstorm is all through this. The Deconstructing Justice League feature with the director and Jim Lee discussing the comic version and the movie along with what was changed was quite enlightening and interesting. It might not be that fun to watch for those that don’t really care about the making of a cartoon or comic but if you are though man this is the real movie.  Now the last one that is the storyboard comparison to final animation is just pure creative nerd stuff. I loved it but I kind of draw for a living so it’s right up my alley.

So here it is, I don’t just  think Justice League War is not only the worst of these Warner bros animation DC comics home releases to date it’s the worst animated story they’ve done since modern DC superhero cartoon era started with Batman: The Animated Series in 1992. Even though it looks nice everything else is so mishandled that it's quite confusing. It has you questioning who else is getting involved in their creative process from picking the material to adapt to just constructing the story. Like let’s be honest here, Warner Bros. Animation has been dropping pure hit after hit since 1992 and now this. I hope this is just a minor blip on the timeline and not a foreshadowing of things to come from this continuing partnership. 

Oh and Aquaman got played out he didn't get a shot in the movie. 

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