The Best and Worst Onscreen Kisses of 2014

There are a few weeks left in the year, but I think we can safely say that the movies with the best kisses have already graced our movie theaters. And this is really important stuff, OK? Generations of teenage girls are being influenced by these kisses every time another shoddy (probably supernatural or dystopian) teenybopper romance comes out. Middle-aged women (your moms, people!) are still helping Nicholas Sparks pay his bills. And although there were a fair share of terrible action movies this year (ahem, 300: Rise of the Spartans or Sin City 2: A Dame to Kill For), it was the women in those films that often elevated the material (looking at you, Eva Green). So sexy stuff – it sells, etc.

Along that vein, then, what were the five sexiest moments onscreen this year? The majority of these are kisses, but I’m also going to consider “smoldering looks” and “vigorous lovemaking” among the data. It’s very scientific. Let’s jump into it!

+ Veronica Mars and Logan Echolls, from Veronica Mars. You want smoldering looks? Kristen Bell and Jason Dohring will give you smoldering looks, from his and hers perspectives, no less:

Guh. For all the marshmallow ‘shippers of this relationship out there – and I am among your ranks, so much – this was the ultimate.

Oh, and here, have this:

That was the ultimate, too.

+ Peter Parker and Gwen Stacy, from The Amazing Spider-Man 2. OK, so The Amazing Spider-Man 2 wasn’t that great. There were too many villains and Jamie Foxx was kind of wasted and Dane DeHaan was definitely wasted, but it’s upsetting that this series might actually be over and Andrew Garfield will be out of a job, because he is exactly my cup of tea in this role. And of course, he’s Emma Stone’s cup of tea, too, given that they’ve been dating for a few years and their natural, off-camera chemistry thankfully graces every moment they have on-screen together, too.

These are real smiles, people! Look at all those teeth!

Oh, and here, have this. Sinewy muscles for everyone!

+ Hazel Grace Lancaster and Augustus Waters, from The Fault In Our Stars. Oh, what else is there to say about this movie? It dominated the pop-music realm during the summer, made a solid amount of money, and kept the Shailene Woodley train moving forward. But what worked so beautifully and realistically and believably, I think, out of anything else, was that sex scene and how delicately but honestly it was handled.

All you needed to see was the couple of inches of skin from Woodley’s back to know where this was going, and to get swept up in the emotion of it all … and by that I mean, weeping profusely. Like I did, especially at this.

Sorry, not sorry.

+ Noni and Kaz, from Beyond the Lights. Gugu Mbatha-Raw gave two of the year’s most captivating performances in the films Belle and Beyond the Lights, and if you haven’t seen either of them, fix your life. Especially because Beyond the Lights has both some of the year’s most off-putting and touching sex scenes, and it’s still in theaters, and go right now.

There is a lot of gross sex stuff in this movie (it is, after all, an examination of how the music industry commodifies both women’s bodies and their emotions), but there are two scenes in which Mbatha-Raw and her costar Nate Parker really shine: some up-in-the-air sexiness set to Beyonce’s “Drunk in Love” (used far better in this film than in the terrible Fifty Shades of Grey trailers) and a practically silent sex scene later in the film, when they’ve grown more comfortable with each other, more willing to let walls drop, more open to seeing who they really are. Just writing about it is giving me chills.

+ Gamora and Peter Quill, from Guardians of the Galaxy. OK, this is kind of a cheat, because Zoe Saldana and Chris Pratt’s characters don’t actually kiss. But it was a great moment when they didn’t, since it continued Guardians of the Galaxy’s “subvert the superhero genre” agenda. Also interesting that the film’s trailers contained brief glimpses of Gamora and Quill shirtless, but those scenes were both deleted from the final cut. A subversion, sure, but still sexy.

And, a few of the worst of the year:

+ Labor Day: Just because a convict can bake a pie does not mean you should have sex with him.

+ Winter’s Tale: Just because that mysterious time-traveler with the awful haircut looks like Colin Farrell does not mean you should have sex with him.

+ Million Dollar Arm: Just because your terrible landlord looks like Don Draper but with more Orientalist tendencies does not mean you should have sex with him.

+ The Hundred-Foot Journey: Just because you’re two chefs who realize that you’re in love with each other does not mean you should have sex in your restaurant while serving your parents and mentors.

+ The Legend of Hercules: That guy is Kellan Lutz. ESPECIALLY DO NOT HAVE SEX WITH HIM.

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The 12 Days of Christmas – Day 7: ‘Eyes Wide Shut’

 

Stanley Kubrick’s filmography is probably one of the most popular for cinematic criticism—can you imagine how many college film courses focus on 2001: A Space Odyssey or A Clockwork Orange? I know mine did. And so it goes without saying that his final film, 1999’s Eyes Wide Shut, has its fair share of analyses throughout academic journals and online blogs—including a shocking amount of pieces written about how the film is Illuminati propaganda. Seriously, Google “Eyes Wide Shut” and “Illuminati” and you will not be disappointed. You’re welcome and Merry Christmas!

And Christmas is why we’re here, actually, because Eyes Wide Shut is probably one of the most adult films to take place during the holiday season. And I don’t use the term “adult” just because of all the sex scenes, which, you know, there are a lot! But more so because of how Kubrick uses Christmas ambiance to add texture and atmosphere to the film, and to drive home certain ideas about consumerism and power that are central to his work.

I’m not going to write you an essay here, but I think Eyes Wide Shut is an interesting movie to watch around this time of year because Kubrick had such clear intentions in including the holiday—so let’s look at the five times the Christmas spirit was at play in the film … for better or for worse.

+ Oh hey, it’s Christmas! Eyes Wide Shut starts with a  shock by showing us Nicole Kidman’s bare butt (do not hate on Nicole; I love Nicole; I just wish she would stop doing things to her face), but it transitions quickly into place and time: It’s New York City and it’s Christmas! How does Kubrick do this? By demonstrating to us that his protagonists, Bill (Tom Cruise) and wife Alice (Kidman) aren’t particularly good parents, leaving their daughter Helena with the babysitter whose name they don’t know so they can attend a fancy party thrown by one of Bill’s patients. The holidays, a time for family togetherness? Not for the Harfords, and especially not with a daughter who symbolizes essentially nothing but the one thing keeping Bill and Alice together. Knock against the self-interested nature of the wealthy: Check.

+ Sleezy rich jerks have Christmas trees, too. Practically immediately after the Harfords arrive at the holiday party held by Bill’s patient, Sandor, the two split apart. Alice gets hit on a lascivious guy who dances with her, while Bill disappears with a couple of hot young models and then is called to tend to Sandor, who was having sex with another girl who passed out from a drug overdose. What’s in the room where Sandor and the girl were having sex? Opulent furniture, beautiful artwork, and a cheap-looking little Christmas tree, with neon lights that lend an eerie, otherworldly light to everything going on in that room. Creepy red light usually belongs in horror movies, and seeing it here really underlines the unsettling vibe Kubrick is bringing to Eyes Wide Shut.

+ Prostitutes who end up having HIV—yup, they also care about the holiday season. How often can Bill cheat on his wife? It feels like the opportunity presents itself over and over again for the handsome doctor, most obviously when he goes home with a young prostitute named Domino. The first thing we see in her apartment? A sparse Christmas tree, again surrounded by eerie red light, in a place where Bill shouldn’t be—but it’s not the reminder of the holiday season that makes Bill think of his family and leave Domino, but a nagging phone call from Alice. If Christmas is a great unifier (which Kubrick seems to be arguing by constantly inserting Christmas decorations and accessories into the film, but not having the characters overtly talk about it), what does it signify for those celebrating it? Is it an outward display of holiness, or a false attempt at hiding something darker and dirtier?

+ And speaking of “darker and dirtier”—the one place Christmas decorations don’t appear is at the mansion where the Master of Ceremonies lords over the costumed, occult orgy. No holiday frills. No Christmas trees. No lights. The people at the orgy don’t have to hide under the guise of Christmas, because they’re all in on each other’s debauchery and depravity—they’re barely even hiding from each other. The mask-wearing isn’t for inclusion, but for exclusion; think of how rapidly they sense that Bill isn’t supposed to be there. It’s the one place in the film untouched by Christmas, because no one there has to pretend to be anything they’re not. They’re all fine with being terrible, as long as they can be terrible together—without anyone else sneaking into their midst.

+ Finally, don’t forget the point of Christmas: Presents. Do you remember Helena? Bill and Alice barely do, and they only bring their daughter into their realm again at the end of the film: when Bill has dodged receiving HIV from Domino; when his connections with the secret society have been severed by violence outside of his control; and when he finally comes clean to Alice about his actions of the past few days, following up on her honesty about having sex dreams that don’t include Bill but focus on shaming him by being intimate with other men. Their marriage is totally fucked up, so why not spend some time with their daughter?

And the time is, of course, not emotionally meaningful, but consumerist: They take their daughter shopping as a way of bonding with her, acquiescing to her every wish instead of getting to know her. In a film that is constantly demonstrating the way the supposed generosity, compassion, and togetherness of the holiday season is distorted, deceived, and corrupted, it only makes sense that Bill and Alice would envelop their daughter with things as a way to teach her the Christmas spirit. Christmas may be a time of regeneration, renewal, and rebirth, but in Eyes Wide Shut, everyone is stuck in the same old shitty cycles. And no amount of holly jolly cheer—or Tom Cruise’s enthusiastic clapping—can cover up the rot.

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The Best and Worst Movie Trailers of 2014

+ Note: This post will focus only on trailers for movies released in 2014. So sorry, no love here for The Avengers 2: Age of Ultron trailer, even though it is great. Come back next year for that one.

We love trailers, which is why when I had to see The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies last week, on top of the 150-minute runtime for the film, I also had to sit through 10 – YES, TEN – trailers. That’s an additional 30 minutes of sitting in the theater! And yet a good trailer can be so great – an excellent bonding opportunity for you and the people sitting around – and a bad trailer can build camaraderie, too. The collective groan from myself, the three bros in front of me, and the mom and her son behind me at The Hobbit when we saw the Terminator: Genisys trailer is proof of that.

So what trailers excited me most this year, and which made me want to run out of the movie theater and never come back? Read on for the five best and five worst movie trailers of 2014.

The five best trailers of 2014:

+ VERONICA MARS. You could brush off this movie as fan service, sure, but it’s extremely satisfying fan service. Take this trailer for proof: Look, all of your favorite Veronica Mars characters are back! Look, Veronica and Logan still long for each other! Look, Mac has an amazing new haircut! Look, Weevil is still the shit! Look, Daddy Mars is still doing dad stuff! Dick Casablancas is being, well, a dick! As a promise to fans, the Veronica Mars movie trailer was undeniably well orchestrated. (And so was the movie, too.)

+ GONE GIRL. The creepy vibe of Trent Reznor and Atticus Ross’s score still haunts my dreams, as does Amazing Amy’s equally chilly, “That’s marriage.” Maybe this year’s best movie for grownups, Gone Girl delivered with a trailer that laid out the central question—Did Ben Affleck’s Nick Dunne kill his wife, the beautiful and intelligent and perfect Amy?—while also subtly analyzing the 24-hour news cycle and upending the fake-American-dream promise of suburbia. “Where’s your wife, Nick?!” Yes, where, indeed.

+ GODZILLA. Godzilla underperformed a bit this year, but I agree withfellow PDC-er Julian Lytle that it was actually one of the year’s mostunderappreciated films—a movie that excellently chose when and how to feature Godzilla to build toward the impactful (and thrilling) final action set piece. And this trailer is a perfect microcosm of that approach: Blink and you’ll miss Godzilla, but when he wants to be seen, he’s unforgettable. And Godzilla’s final, discordant scream at the end of this trailer? It’s still giving me goosebumps.

+ X-MEN: DAYS OF FUTURE PAST. “We need you to hope again.” Sporting the most self-indulgent-and-yet-totally-successful cast of the year was X-Men: Days of Future Past, and this trailer forced you to acknowledge how great they all are. Patrick Stewart! Ian McKellen! Michael Fassbender! James McAvoy! The internet’s best friend Jennifer Lawrence! The internet’s best friend’s ex-boyfriend Nicholas Hoult! Tyrion Lannister! Jean Valjean! And on and on and on. Regardless of whether Days of Future Past had your favorite X-Men character or your favorite X-Men actor, that was the point: they were all in there. (Well, except for Anna Paquin, but that is a complaint for another day.) The cohesiveness of the cast did wonders for the timeline-mind-fuck of a story, and brought the contrasting movie worlds together in a way that keeps the storyline moving forward. How could you not get excited?

+ INTERSTELLAR. One of my most disappointing movies of the year still had one of the year’s best trailers, a perfect distillation of the things Christopher Nolan does well: cajole excellent performances from A-list male actors who play aching, ambitious widowers (here it’s Matthew McConaughey; see Leonardo DiCaprio in Inception or Hugh Jackman in The Prestige for further proof); present smoothly envisioned, sleekly impressive visual effects; and get Michael Caine to say something wise and sad, because that is basically all Michael Caine does in Christopher Nolan movies. It was such a formula, but oh, it was effective. If only the full version of Interstellar had been this airtight.

The five worst trailers of 2014:

+ TRANSCENDENCE. Oh look, Johnny Depp’s brain got uploaded into a computer because it’s super easy to do that. How could such an interesting idea seem so generic from even the first trailer? Pass. (Also, you’re going to have Cillian Murphy in your movie, but not even mention him in your trailer? For shame.)

+ THE OTHER WOMAN. Putting feminism back a century or two.

+ TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES. Stop giving Michael Bay enough money to destroy all our childhood dreams. Stop it! And stop pretending Megan Fox can act. Seriously, stop it.

+ DUMB AND DUMBER TO. When I saw 22 Jump Street this summer, more people laughed at this supremely awful trailer than they did during the entire length of 22 Jump Street. Because for some reason a senior citizen forcing Jim Carrey to pleasure her vagina full of dust is more amusing than the amazing meta-ness of Channing Tatum and Jonah Hill. (I hate people.)

+ EXODUS: GODS AND KINGS. Noooope.

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The 12 Days of Christmas – Day 6: ‘American Psycho’

For the most part, our 12 Days of Christmas series here at Punch Drunk Critics has been about films that are largely centered around Christmas or set during Christmas time, like my previous picks, Kiss Kiss Bang Bang and Batman Returns. But with American Psycho, I’m veering off a bit – because the cult classic only has one scene about Christmas, and yet it’s a perfect distillation of everything the movie is saying about yuppie culture, about New York City, about audacious wealth, about the absurdity of the upper class. In barely 90 seconds, director and screenwriter Mary Harron, adapting Bret Easton Ellis’s original novel, accomplishes all that. It’s an impressive feat.

So let’s jump right into it. Here is the scene in question:

At this point, we’ve already met Patrick Bateman, and we already know why this movie is called “American Psycho.” He’s an image-obsessed, intensely competitive, and everyone-hating person, safely ensconced by his wealth and by his ignorant, self-obsessed yuppie friends. Look at how everyone in this party is barely talking to each other, but more at each other – who hasn’t experienced that at a Christmas party? Do you really care what your co-worker’s second cousin’s girlfriend did for her wedding reception? Or how your neighbor’s brother’s teacher is doing with his fantasy football team? No, you don’t care. And Patrick Bateman certainly does not care.

But it’s in Patrick’s nature to grin and bear it – at least outwardly – as must we all. Oh, his terrible coworker who is secretly in love with him is going to put cloth reindeer ears on him? What fun! Oh, his terrible fiancee (cast perfectly with Reese Witherspoon, all irritating chipperness) for some reason has a Vietnamese potbelly pig as a pet? Great!

And what an excellent interaction between the two of them: He barely says anything, while she launches into, “Stop scowling, Patrick. You’re such a Grinch! And what does the Grinch want for Christmas this year? And don’t say breast implants again.”

How to get away from this conversation with a fiancee who he gives zero fucks about, and whom he tells later on, “You’re just not that important to me?” Spot your work rival across the party and go invite him to dinner, after which you plan to murder him, of course!

OK, maybe this isn’t part of your Christmas experience, but it’s an utterly on-point choice for Patrick. Everyone else is joyous, gleeful, and celebratory, but for Patrick, the party is torture – the only bright spot being the opportunity to manipulate Paul (Jared Leto, cast well, but not as well as he was in Fight Club, the previous year) into a death trap. Holiday party success!

And in only one scene, a short-and-sweet encapsulation of the only way Patrick Bateman would approach Christmas and you know, the rest of his life: with disgust, resentment, and a falsely cheery attitude. May your holidays never be that dreadful. Oh, and let Reese Witherspoon leave you with one piece of advice:

Seriously, just don’t do it. 

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The 12 Days of Christmas – Day 5: ‘Batman Returns’

 

Birdman or (The Unexpected Virtue of Ignorance) was high up on my favorite movies of 2014 list, and like practically everyone else I’ve talked to, Michael Keaton was primarily the reason why. Michael Keaton, you guys! How easily he veers between stoic and stone-faced and bizarre and unhinged; how effortless he makes those contrasting emotional states look. Keaton excels with it in Birdman, but look at his filmography and it’s always been there – of course in Beetlejuice, but also importantly in Batman Returns.

It’s strange to go back and watch Batman Returns now that our pop-culture psyche has been shaped so thoroughly by Christopher Nolan’s Dark Knight trilogy, but since Tim Burton’s sequel is set during Christmas time and it is now, you know, Christmas time, you should do it. And get ready for just how Tim Burton-y it is, a dimly macabre – and almost anti-capitalist – view of the holiday season. All in all, it’s quite strange: Batman (Keaton) and the Penguin (a perfectly cast Danny DeVito) are supposed to be doubles, and the movie amps up the Penguin’s physicality to drive home their differences; Michelle Pfeiffer goes full unhinged, oozing confrontation in a way that Anne Hathaway’s Catwoman never did; and CHRISTOPHER WALKEN. Christopher Walken! Christopher. Walken.

Still need more reasons for why you should cue up Batman Returns in the next few days? OK, fine, let’s do this.

+ Reason 1: The overall set design! Want to see Christmas put through some kind of fascist nightmare? Look no further than the depiction of Gotham in Batman Returns – all ominous statues; imposingly tall, leaning-over-you buildings; marble and granite and materials that feel like no warmth will ever make its way into your body again. Christmas is supposed to be a festive time, but here, Gotham feels unabashedly cold – and as an indictment of the season, it works.

+ Reason 2: Alfred! Our favorite manservant spends this movie decorating Bruce Wayne’s almost grotesquely opulent Christmas tree and doling out hard truths to our favorite orphan. And he does them both like a badass because, you know, it’s Alfred. What is he going to do, fuck those things up? Please.

+ Reason 3: Michelle Pfeiffer’s scarily sexual Catwoman. The perfect mix of teasing and terror. And look, those hairdos speak for themselves.

+ Reason 4: Speaking of hairdos, please take note of Christopher Walken’s exceptional bouffant. It’s silver as hell and it’s moussed within an inch of its life and it does not fuck around.

+ Reason 5: The Penguin’s penguin army. If you have any kids in your life interested in seeing Dreamworks’s Penguins of Madagascar this holiday, shut that down immediately and show them Batman Returns instead. They might have some nightmares, but that’s a natural part of life, right? And then you won’t have to see Penguins of Madagascar, so really, it’s a Christmas miracle.

Batman Returns is available for streaming through Netflix Instant and for rent through Amazon Instant Video. 

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The 12 Days of Christmas – Day 4: ‘Kiss Kiss Bang Bang’

2008’s Iron Man undoubtedly made Robert Downey Jr. the biggest star in the world, but 2005’s Kiss Kiss Bang Bang is, I think at least, the movie that proved Downey was serious about being an actor again. All that charming aloofness, smart-alickiness, and smirking attractiveness were on display in director Shane Black’s film, and the two have since played nice together – just look to Iron Man 3 for proof.

But this is a series about Christmas movies, so let’s talk about Kiss Kiss Bang Bang, which is set during the season. A twisty-turny neo noir adapted by Black from the original pulpy novel by Brett Halliday, the movie is a movie about making movies, about what actors do when they act, about the ins and outs of Hollywood and how crummy and deceitful and entertaining and cynical it all can get. So here are the five reasons why you should make Kiss Kiss Bang Bang part of your Christmas movie rotation – and yes, Michelle Monaghan makes an appearance. Prepare your lustful jets.

+ Reason 1: Because these opening credits are amazing. The animation! That music! The nod to the original novel! Yes, yes.

+ Reason 2: RDJ’s narration! As the protagonist, petty-criminal-turned-actor Harry, he’s so smug and meta, it’s a lovely thing. No line of dialogue is wasted, but it’s also not overwritten, which means you get gems like this: “Don't worry, I saw Lord of the Rings. I'm not going to end this 17 times.” Who can deny that level of self-awareness? And all that fourth-wall breaking? No one.

+ Reason 3: Val Kilmer. Does anyone miss Val Kilmer like I miss Val Kilmer? Sometimes I think about him in Heat, and it makes me miss his hot ‘90s days, and then I watch Kiss Kiss Bang Bang and I laugh and laugh and laugh and I wish he would have gotten more shots at being a comedic actor. His take-no-bullshit attitude, coupled with RDJ’s absurdity, make them an excellent pair. Oh, and Kilmer’s playing against type as a private detective named Gay Perry who is, you know, gay. Just watch Kilmer’s facial expressions whenever RDJ is doing something. The man redefines the depths of a smirk.

+ Reason 4: Michelle Monaghan … 

… because obviously.

+ Reason 5: The one line you should say to all your loved ones this holiday season.

I mean, I know I will be.

Kiss Kiss Bang Bang is available through Netflix’s disc service and can be rented through Amazon’s InstantVideo.  

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The 12 Days of Christmas- Day 1: Love, Actually

Welcome to the Punch Drunk Critics 12 days of Christmas, told with movies of course. We’re starting this the way I start my Christmas season every year, with Richard Curtis’s interweaving tale of Christmas magic, Love, Actually. Just a word of warning, this flick gets me sappy. I promise, not every entry in our 12 days will be sugary sweet but Love, Actually, well it gets me right in the feels.

The Christmas spirit, that’s what this movie gets most right, that’s why it is such an important part of my yuletide viewing experience. I can sit here and pontificate on the commercialization of Christmas and how we totally miss the point of the season, but I won’t. Yes, partly because I like getting gifts as much as the next guy but also because that aspect has become part of the season itself, a primal hunt for what we need. No, the reason I’m avoiding that part completely is that the movie does the same thing, it doesn’t damn us for mall fever it gently reminds us that the greatest joy comes from the original reason we are buying those gifts in the first place, so we can show those we love just how much we care. It’s funny, the film was made over ten years ago but its opening monologue stays more relevant today than ever. It’s a bit of dialogue that we should all read/hear at least once a year, preferably once a month. In today’s world of social media and constant commentary contributing to the overwhelming negativity that can cloud the world it’s increasingly important to sit down and be reminded that not only is love still out there, and I’m stealing Hugh Grant’s line here, Love, actually, is all around. So I’d ask you just to read this excerpt from the film, its opening lines and let it sink in, cheesy as it may be.

Whenever I get gloomy with the state of the world, I think about the arrivals gate at Heathrow Airport. General opinions starting to make out that we live in a world of hatred and greed, but I don't see that. It seems to me that love is everywhere. Often, it's not particularly dignified or newsworthy, but it's always there - fathers and sons, mothers and daughters, husbands and wives, boyfriends, girlfriends, old friends. When the planes hit the Twin Towers, as far as I know, none of the phone calls from the people on board were messages of hate or revenge - they were all messages of love. If you look for it, I've got a sneaky feeling you'll find that love actually is all around.

I’m a kind of sucker for the emotional but I think we can all agree that this is a beautiful and needed sentiment. Once that actually outlines the film. The interconnected stories serve to show that the love shared through the season comes in many different shapes and sizes. From a recently widowed father trying to connect with his stepson to a pampered, past his prime rock star realizing that the friendship he shares with his much-maligned manager may just constitute the love of his life (it doesn’t have to be romantic love to make you happy, what a great thing to point out!). From the Prime Minister himself falling for his less than proper house maid, to a goofy twenty-something going to America to use his “cute British accent” to pick up girls. Each tale not only shows a different perspective on love and a different way in which it can be experienced, but also goes to great care to point out that love is love…one way is not better or worse than the other. Even the film’s least happy tale, of a husband and father contemplating an affair with his much younger secretary, shows his realization that lust and its immediate benefits pale in comparison to the long term feeling of real love, even if it’s not always as exciting.   

All of this is for not if it’s not done well. I’m not going to get into a full review here but I will say a two things, first, this is one of the most talented casts of the last 40 years and everyone seems to be all in…there isn’t a single performance I would say was “phoned in”. Second the locales, mostly London, are gorgeous and really feel like the prototypical picturesque Christmas. I mean, is there a more beautiful place than Britain during Christmas? I think I’ve made my case but I’ll reiterate once again that this should be the first movie for everyone to start the season, there’s no better way to be reminded of what it’s all about from the start. 

Let's all do something this holiday season that makes us feel like this!

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"Mrs. Doubtfire" sequel is in the works, because Hollywood hates your childhood memories

So once upon a time when I was young, my parents and I - I'm sure my older brother was at these gatherings, but for some reason, I only remember my parents - would go to movies on Friday evenings. I think Friday evenings still counted as matinee showtimes back then, and we would all grab a movie for less than $20, a pricepoint that makes me want to weep when I see $18 for a single 3D IMAX ticket now. ANYWAY, I'm pretty sure the first movie we saw together as a family was Mrs. Doubtfire, and I remember this because I started sobbing near the end of the movie and my parents wanted to take me outside because I was being a jerk but I refused to leave until I saw how the movie ended. I was only 6 or 7 years old then, but I had broken my parents' VCR a few years ago by playing Hook on repeat over and over and over and over again, so I clearly had a Robin Williams fascination. And then when I watched Aladdin? Yeah, I was a weird young Robin Williams fan.

IMAGINE MY ANGER, THEN, when I hear that a sequel for Mrs. Doubtfire is being planned by Fox 2000. The sequel would reunite Williams, who is currently on TV on CBS's The Crazy Ones with Sarah Michelle Gellar (not sure if that has been renewed for a second season yet, actually) and director Chris Columbus (who directed the first two Harry Potter movies, Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone and Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets), and is being written by David Berenbaum (who wrote Will Ferrell's Elf).

Why? Nearly 20 years later, why is this happening? What could possibly EVEN BE THE PLOT OF THIS MOVIE? Remember how the film had a very lovely message about how divorced parents still love their children and families can come in all shapes and sizes, and dressing up as an old lady can be great for your career if you're a middle-aged comedian trying to make it in television? ARE WE THROWING THOSE LIFE LESSONS ASIDE? I don't get it, and I don't want to. Curse you, Fox 2000. Curse you straight to hell.

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Movie Review: Life of a King

For a few years now I’ve been pretty leery about seeing movies starring Cuba Gooding Jr. since I’ve usually been very let down by them. Life of a King piqued my interest since it’s based on a real story in Washington DC.  This is one of the times that I have been surprised and pleased with what I saw. While it’s another one of those movies about a person going into a school and helping kids that everyone else has forgotten about, it’s well done and in an angle different enough that it’s doesn’t become just a fill in the numbers affair.

Cuba Gooding Jr. portrays a Eugene Brown a man who just served an 18 year prison sentence and is released back into the world. While still inside he befriended a man named Searcy who taught him to change his way of thinking by using chess as a metaphor for life. Eugene, once released, has a hard time finding work until he gets a job as a high school janitor. After some issues with control in detention the principal asks Eugene to take over watching the detention class. To pass the time, and to help the kids avoid the same mistakes he made, he decides to teach them chess. From there it becomes a journey to help the kids how to play the game of chess, and of life. To show them that it's all about making the right choices to fulfill their potential. All the while he is also trying to fix his relationships with his own estranged children.

Cuba Gooding Jr. gives a great performance as Eugene here. This performance reminds you why he was in so many of those great dramas in the 90s and why he has that Academy Award. He gives a subtle performance as Eugene especially when showing his frustration and caring. The film does what you'd expect it to, but doesn’t make it too saccharine.  Gooding all but carries the film as the other actors, who are decent enough, don’t really grab you amazing. Malcolm Mays, who plays Tahime, is an exception. Mays plays a kid from a bad home who's on the line between a normal life and a life of crime and boy does he sell the struggle well. Along with Gooding’s Eugene these two characters are the main reason to watch this film.

In terms of negatives of the film Paula Jai Parker, who is usually a fine actress, doesn’t really have much to do here. Her character is just terrible and for no apparent reason. There is no depth on why she acts or continues to treat her son Tahime in the way she does. Richard T. Jones’ character Perry is also poorly handled as a temptation for Eugene to fall back into the life of this bad influence. Also the film is color corrected in a gray and very washed out way. You lose some details in the shots by going that route. It could’ve pushed the values more so that darks and lights didn’t seem so close.

All in all this is a good movie. It’s something decent to see in a month of terrible competition by the film industry as they pat themselves on the back for last fall.  Take some time to go see this in the theater or watch it on VOD you shouldn’t be disappointed. 

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